Thursday, October 09, 2008

In Search of Mr. February

I have little in common with Fran Jurga. She is the exceptionally intelligent and wise individual with 324 Ph.D.s that writes Hoofcare and Lameness Journal, Fran Jurga's "HoofBlog", Everything You Wanted to Know About Hooves But Were Afraid to Ask, and Fran's Fast Feasts for Farriers: 20-Meals for Your Horseman. I, on the other hand, can barely string two sentences together on a weekly basis and I might be able to recognize a hoof.

However, yesterday Fran alerted her multitude of readers to some very significant information that, if not for Fran, would have been completely missed by the media. A preeminent publication is being sold at this very moment: Hunks and Horses, a 2009 calendar featuring 12 of your favorite farriers.

Immediately I perused the calendar. I suggest you should, too. Be sure to spend some extra time with Mr. September. Ooh la la.

Anyway, Fran's scoop was a timely reminder that I, too, had planned to put together my own 2009 calendar: Hot Men of Lone Star. Suddenly I was inspired to begin reviewing the numerous photos I had acquired over the year of all my manly subjects. So I spent a few moments, evaluating the assortment of pictures, and I reached a troubling conclusion.

These guys aren't looking so hot.

There's Kemper, sitting in the racebook, earnestly studying his Daily Racing Form, two empties and a stack of crumbled losers piled in from of him. There's a photo of Stuart, a chatty sort, whose mouth is open and there appears to be some kind of food particle stuck between his front teeth. And he's in dire need of a barber. I have a few pictures of Super-Manager, John Records. That's a keeper. Hmm ... Magna/Frank Stronach associate, Drew Shubeck ... not sure. I was hoping that I might have a photo of Dave Appleton, the track's paddock handicapper and TV broadcaster because he's hot. But I only have the back of his head. Few pictures of Steve Asmussen and Steve Asmussen Bobblehead. (Insert your own opinions here). Warner the Mutuel Clerk: adore him and love him. My husband, sitting in a lawn chair, swilling beer, sunburn on his nose, reading a race program pretending that he knows what any of those little numbers actually mean - I'll have to think about that one.

Decidedly, I need to venture out to the track this weekend and roam the premises in search of Calendar Fodder.

Perhaps I will find George Clooney relaxing at the bar, sipping on his scotch, casually watching the Keeneland races on a simulcast monitor. Or Antonio Banderas seated in the racebook, intently handicapping the Oak Tree at Santa Anita Pick 6. Or maybe those guys from Grey's Anatomy, McDreamy and McSteamy, might be hanging around the track.

Well, at least I have Mr. January: Gary West.


Anonymous said...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Anonymous said...

Your husband's comment is the best one I've ever read.

suebroux said...

Kevin -

My husband will not win any awards for originality on that great comment as he quoted the late Henny Youngman on that one.

And speaking of Henny Youngman jokes, here's a couple of favorites:

"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."


"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip."

Fran Jurga said...

Sue, you have to walk around and find some farriers at work, they're your hotties! Everyone thinks I work so hard to disseminate information on equine lameness...well, now I guess the whole world knows that I do it to be around these great guys!

Seriously, though, you could build a calendar around rescuing a great racehorse!


John Records said...

Thanks for the shout out when considering calendar candidates. However, I happen to know that the pictures you have of me also include two American beauties in Sophia and Alice. Have you never suspected that they might be peddling their influence? Ever wondered why it's always two scoops instead of one?