Friday, May 02, 2008

Derby News To Use

The Kentucky Derby is tomorrow. It’s getting down to the wire. People are feeling the heat. Desperate souls are perusing the internet to obtain any morsel of useful information that will make their 134th Kentucky Derby presented by Yum! Brands experience exciting as well as profitable.

Well folks, give your Google search engine a break. Look no farther as I’m delighted to announce that I will provide for you the answers to those burning questions that have kept you up, searching blogs and articles and tabloids and pounding on your neighbors' doors, throughout the night.

Jessica Simpson and the Kentucky Derby

Many of you have been searching relentlessly for news as to whether Jessica Simpson will be attending the Derby. According to her website, cleverly entitled, she’s still living in the year 2007. However, Jessica Simpson has been known to frequent the Kentucky Derby (2002 and 2004, according to Millionaire's Row history). So, I emailed Darren Rogers, formerly the Director of Communications at Lone Star Park and now Super-Media-Honcho for Churchill Downs and the Kentucky Derby, and inquired as to whether or not he knew, in his capacity, if Jessica Simpson would be in attendance at the Kentucky Derby?

“Not to my knowledge, but i'll follow up”, Darren wrote back.

(It should be noted that Churchill Downs saves money by eliminating the shift key on their keyboards).

At this writing, I have not heard back from Darren Rogers as to whether or not Jessica Simpson will be in attendance. But at this juncture, I would not discard the idea that she may choose to host her own Kentucky Derby Party; there is a distinct possibility that she may or may not be registered as spacecaseblonde at Kentucky Derby Party presented by Bobby! Flay.

As a consolation prize for those of you disappointed that there is no clear evidence as to the presence of Ms. Simpson at Churchill Downs tomorrow, you’ll be please to know that she was on the cover of the latest issue of D Magazine, and she hosted a birthday party for Tony Romo at Dallas’ Suite nightclub last month. Also, may I recommend your Derby selection as Tale of Ekati, because that’s a name that Jessica Simpson might favor.

Alternate Kentucky Derby Simulcast Venue

In true Magna management style, Lone Star Park has rented out its press box for Derby Day. Renowned turf writer, Gary West, will be going to Remington Park to watch and report on the Derby. Rumor has it that 123,668 fans and horseplayers from Calder Racecourse will also be at Remington to watch and wager on the Derby.

For those wise decision-makers who demonstrate their lack of support to the racing fans by withholding simulcast signals and renting out press boxes to add another “party room”, may I suggest a large exacta wager on GetAClue and Ur Out O Touch.

Intelligent Derby Selection

Paul Moran of the self-titled, Paul Moran at the Races, makes sound reasoning for keying Colonel John. I’m one of the few horse racing enthusiasts not dedicated to routinely reading Paul Moran's prose because, quite frankly, for a guy who’s been covering racing for 30 years he doesn’t look terribly happy in his picture and one can speculate that perhaps he's shredded too many losing wagers over the years. But I liked his insight for the Derby. So if you are still pondering a Derby horse, Paul Moran makes an excellent case for Colonel John.

Ultimate Jockey Interview

Many individuals having been reviewing the multitude of interviews conducted here at Post Parade, i.e, Steve Asmussen, Calvin Borel, Robby Albarado, in order to glean some kind of edge prior to making a Derby selection. Admittedly, Derby Day Interview Honors goes to good friend and fellow blogger, John of Not to the Swift fame, with his recent posting of Shane Sellers (laughs) being interviewed by author Trish Psarreas (laughs some more) that consists of some heavy-handed shameful plugs for Shane’s upcoming appearance on a Saturday morning cartoon (laughs so much, pees in pants). Derby selection recommendation: Z Humor.

1 comment:

John said...

John:(giggling) thanks for the plug, I am sure Shane and Trish appreciate it.

As for Moran, maybe he should eat those losing tickets instead of ripping them up, he looks constipated in that photo, he could probably use the fiber.