Joan Rivers: Oh look! There's the beautiful Suzanne Warren, wearing a original strapless gown by Vera Wang! Absolutely riveting and gorgeous! But ...Oh! What was Saint Liam thinking, wearing such clunky shoes?!?
Melissa: Absolutely. And apparently Ashado likes that style as well. Rather unattractive for such an event as this.
Joan: Hold on! There's Johnny Velazquez! As usual, he looks incredibly handsome but somehow shorter in real life. (Calls out) Hey, Johnny V! Come over here! Can we talk?
Melissa: So, are you excited about receiving the Eclipse Award for top jockey?
John: Yes. I look forward to winning the Eclipse yet again.
Joan: Let me ask you this ... do you think you look better in pink or fuchsia silks?
And to think that I missed the gala event of the year because I don't have cable. But I should note that Alan did a remarkable job in his coverage of the Eclipse Awards. And there is a nice little slide show of Merv, Larry King, and all sorts of important horse people whooping it up last night, on Bloodhorse.com.
And how do you think Ashado, Lost in the Fog, Smuggler, Saint Liam celebrated? Some hay? Some oats? Old episodes of 'Mr. Ed'?
Or how about a little vodka, perhaps?
I noted an article, posted today in The Blood-horse, about how some horses are allegedly being liquored-up to calm down before they race. The article Officials: Vodka Used as Tonic for Jittery Racehorses by Tom LaMarra says that the Racing Medication and Testing Consortium (RMTC) is authorizing the development of a test for alcohol detection in racehorses.
Waterman ... believed the typical dose is about 60 milliliters, or roughly 12 tablespoons.
That's about 1/4 cup of hooch. I've got news for the RMTC: I've got more vodka than that in my nightly martini, and I'm not a 1000 pound horse!
Of course, I should mention that the RMTC is funding this project to the tune of $621,000. And this is where me, as Ms. Science, finds this intriguing. 1 ounce of alcohol requires an hour to clear the human body. Horses are receiving roughly 2 ounces of alcohol about 4 hours prior to racing. Admittedly, I'm no equine scientist, but at post time would it even be detectable? As a depressant, the alcohol would be calming, not performance enhancing, so does this constitute cheating?
And in this day and age, when the NYRA can't stay afloat and handles are down and the naysayers are preaching doom and gloom and the demise of the great sport, where does the RMTC get over a half-million dollars to fund the development of a horse breathalyzer?
And then the biggest question of all: Which do horses prefer, Skyy or Stolichnaya?