Shtick

Somehow I have an email subscription to Monmouth Park's weekly news and promotions. Regardless, I do take a few moments to peruse over the upcoming weekend's happenings, and there's always some sort of shtick going on - barbecues, beach parties, hurricanes, and so forth. Monmouth Park's promotions always look hip and inviting; the place to be on a Saturday afternoon. I know that I'd go if only I didn't live 1,384 miles away.

But closer to home, Lone Star Park is perfectly capable of assembling its own set of unique and wondrous promotions. And Friday night was the pinnacle of shtick: ostrich and camel races.

Yes, you read that correctly. Jockeys raced ostriches and camels down the main track. And as crazy as this whole event sounds, it brought out swarms of people, crowding five deep along the rail as if they were jamming the stage at a Bruce Springsteen concert, holding their iPhones, Smartphones, camcorders, super 8's, firstborns aloft, all to secure footage of the big "event".

The Ostrich Derby:



The Camel Derby:



(Thanks to the well-positioned lizbethbeadles who promptly shared her videos. For her generosity, she'll receive a free copy of Lone Star Today and a dictionary).

I don't have the statistic so I'm unsure as to whether this rather unusual "promotion" - all for charitable causes, by the way - increased attendance and handle significantly, but I can ascertain that the $1 beer sales were robust.

As fun as it was, this whole ostrich/camel shtick and the circus-like atmosphere got me to thinking, "What does the horse racing purists think about all this stuff?" It's not as though I saw Gary West wedged along the rail, or anything like that. Do they just roll their eyes, exasperated? Why can't horse racing just be horse racing? Why do we need casinos and/or exotic fowl to attract people to the racetrack?

Spending an evening at the races can be fun. But throw in a little shtick - ostriches, camels, dancing guinea pigs - and it can be really fun!

Spectral Analysis

For those of you who think that I misplaced my keyboard under a pile of laundry, I would like to inform you that you are incorrect. I have been doing lots of writing over the past few weeks, however it is neither entertaining nor amusing. But I get to use some big fancy words, like fluorochrome and spectral overlap, both of which, by the way, would be good names for a racehorse.

Actually, my 9-year-old daughter has written more about horse racing over the past couple of months that I have!

Once upon a time there was a girl named Alice. She was sweet and kind. She always wanted to ride a horse. So I asked a person that was riding a horse and asked if I can have his horse. But then he said,”No, this is not a play horse!”So I just walked away. When I got home, I pretended to be a horse. Then I wrote a poem about a horse that goes like this;

I love horses yes I do,
I hope you do too.


-by Alice (guest blogger)

I did, however, squeeze in a trip to the racetrack once or twice, most recently last Sunday to enjoy the Woodbine Mile. Turallure (which is also a good name for a fluorochrome) caught Courageous Cat just at the wire, giving me a winning exacta ... or so I thought. It turned out that this so-called great scientific mind didn't box the exacta. There's a scientific word for mistakes like that: Damn!

Meanwhile, Lone Star Park has kicked off its 2011 Fall Meeting of Champions for American Quarter Horses and Ostriches. Renovation continues at the simulcast facility, Post Time Pavilion, so simulcast operations and smoking privileges are temporarily located to the first floor of the grandstand, making milling around during races somewhat trying. However, tomorrow night there is a full spectrum of events: $1 beer specials, Dash for Cash Derby Trials, and camel and ostrich races for charities. Makes me think of another big word that I've been writing lately: excitation.

Drought

34 consecutive 100-degree days.

41 100-degree days this year.

81 days since the Fort Worth Star-Telegram (motto: "The absence of staff writers does not preclude us from publishing a newspaper!") began neglecting horse racing coverage. However, on a rare occasion, there is some snippet buried in the Sports' Briefs. Like today's,

Horse racing
Breeders' Cup decision: A person familiar with the decision told The Associated Press that the 2012 Breeders' Cup will be held at Santa Anita Park in Arcadia, Calif. Breeders' Cup president Craig Pravel would not confirm the report.

Additionally, a person familiar with a Starbucks barista who is familiar with someone who watches the weather channel once a week told me that it's going to rain sometime.

"What a terrible thing to happen to a rescue!!!"

No secret here ... I've been a fan of the Keens for a while. They are an energetic and compassionate training tandem with a devotion to the well-being of the horses that they train. And, sadly, of those that are discarded by the less-than-compassionate individuals. Hence, the homegrown Remember Me Rescue organization that, I like to think, I was able to witness its inception when Donna stoutly proclaimed, "I'd love to spend more time rescuing unwanted racehorses and drinking merlot!" Or something to that effect.

Recently I spent a little time getting caught up with important people (read: Facebook) and was glad to read the following on Donna Keen's wall,

I would like to sincerely thank Lilly Armstrong for doing such a great job finding homes for our Remember Me Rescue horses. Only thing is we are almost out of horses. What a terrible thing to happen to a rescue!!!

So to Donna, Dallas, Lilly, and your teeming army of horse-loving volunteers and supporters: Definitely worthy of 'Like'! (And thanks!!)

Visionary Turf Writers

Lately, I've had a number of people ask me, "Do you know what's up with Gary West?"

Well, aside from traveling and selling his plasma, he's keeping his options open. And, oddly enough, through the cosmic ability of psychic dreams and spiritual metaphysics, I may have had a glimpse into the realm of Gary West's options.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a most vivid and somewhat befuddling dream. In my dream, Gary West walked away from horse racing to embrace an eccentric Bohemian lifestyle selling pottery. And in my dream, he looked a lot like Mr. Sikowitz.

Who is Mr. Sikowitz, you ask? Mr. Sikowitz is the eccentric Bohemian acting teacher on Nickelodeon's "tween" sitcom, Victorious.




Interestingly enough, as I was intensely researching the meaning of my psychic dream (read: googling images of Sikowitz so I could photoshop Gary West's head on it), I discovered a fact of mystic proportions: The actor who portrays Mr. Sikowitz also portrayed Andy Beyer in the film Secretariat.


Coincidence? Visionary? Psychic phenomenon? The truth is out there ... in coconut milk.