Saturday, June 16, 2007

Father's Day

I'm sure many of you have been wondering, where the heck is Sue? And of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that I cashed in an exceptionally profitable Pick-3 at Belmont and took off for some exotic destination such as Costa Rica, where they have beautiful beaches and fascinating volcanos but questionable horse racing and even more uncertain, decent simulcast facilities. But alas, tis not (Tiznot?) the case. It was actually my girlfriend, Judy, who was vacationing in Costa Rica over the past week and I worked for her at the lab. And since I have been functioning as the mad scientist for the past week, I daresay that I have been unable to even glance at The Daily Racing Form, nor Blood-horse, nor (gasp) the TBA RSS feed. (Note to Gary West: You lucky guy ... you, I read. You're in my daily paper delivered to my house!)

Since I have absolutely nothing significant to contribute to my favorite sport, I shall share with you some thoughts I have about tomorrow, Father's Day. Okay, okay. They are not really my thoughts; it's the Father's Day card I bought for my Dad and I laughed so hard in the store I very nearly peed in my pants. And it has nothing to do with horse racing. But it's funny.

Happy Father's Day to all of you who are Dad's or have Dad's (I guess that includes just about everybody except the family of amoebae living in my birdbath in the backyard). Cyber hugs and kisses to Sophie and Alice's Dad as well as my own Dad.

Bet and Barbeque!

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New Father’s Day Golf Rules

1. Every drive is a practice drive till you get one you like.
2. Subtract 1 stroke for every tee you remember to pick up.
3. If the ball rolls over the cup, it’s a gimme.
4. If the ball rolls around the cup, it’s a gimme.
5. If the ball looks like it was headed in the general direction of the cup, it’s a gimme.
6. Distractions like noise, wind or clouds moving are immediate cause for a do-over.
7. Chipping on the green will be replaced by an underhand toss.
8. If in a trap, your sand edge may now be replaced by your sand shovel.
9. The terms “par” and “double bogie” are hereby interchangeable.
10. If you take more than five strokes, count it as a “5” and move on … there are people waiting!

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