Tuesday, April 03, 2007


John of Not To The Swift fame, is one of my favorite cyber-people. Let's face it: He wears pink well and not many guys can pull that off without questioning their masculinity. He's comfortable toting along Bird's The Word Elmo and imbibing on Cosmopolitans regardless of the fact that Gulfstream Matthew referred to them as "sissy drinks". But his most stellar feature is his blog. He has a tremendous horse racing blog.

John is truly worldly, posting significant racing events from around the globe - Dubai and Europe and Beaver Crossing, Nebraska. He handicaps upcoming races, provides insightful polls that make the U.S. Census Bureau envious, posts race reviews and videos, and offers entertaining editorial pieces. It inspires me to make my own blog improvements if not for two facts, (1) I don't know how, and (2) I'm basically lazy. Anyway, affixed atop of his blog is his Kentucky Derby Countdown Clock which he enabled 278 days ago. Today the clock heralds Only 32 Days Until Derby Day.

This clock provides a significant piece of information to the reader regarding an important event. Thus, I feel the necessity to post my own Countdown Clock of Utmost Importance:

Only 9 Days Until Live Racing Resumes at Lone Star Park.

Opening night is April 12th and there are many events planned for this season. I recently conducted extensive research (read: reviewed their press releases posted on the website while eating a tuna fish sandwich and drinking a Diet Pepsi) in order to provide you with the following valuable information.

1. Inaugural Margarita with Kemper. Before the first horse strolls into the paddock, frozen margaritas will be obtained and enjoyed with fellow horseplayers that have been waiting patiently for the return of live racing. Festivities will be conducted "somewhere around the rail" before first post. Kemper may or may not be there, depending on money management issues.

2. Premiere Stakes. The first race of the season. The first opportunity to cash in on a winning exacta. And an opportunity to enter the Premiere "Steaks" Handicapping Contest and win a dinner at Bob's Steak and Chop House.

3. Five Graded Stakes, including the Grade III $200,000 Ouija Board Handicap, a one-mile turf race for fillies and mares. Lone Star Park proudly honors the champion. And she won here so we're gonna use her name first, dang it! So there!

4. Foreigner Concert. Yes, they are still alive. Post race concert on Friday night.

5. Robert Earl Keen. Legendary Texan singer and songwriter performs post race concert on Saturday night. Never a disappointment. You can't get that kind of entertainment at Aqueduct.

And that's just the beginning. So circle the date, get a baby-sitter, wake the neighbors and get the Countdown Clocks of Utmost Importance in operation. And I would appreciate it if you could tell me how to get that clock operational as well.

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Photo of John and Bird's The Word Elmo used without any written permission whatsoever. Stolen from Birdbirdblog


Patrick J Patten said...

yourposts kill me every time, they are worth the wait every time. I've decided to only listen to country singers who may or may not have killed people does Robert Earl Keen Qualify?

John said...

Thanks for the nice post. . .yes I am one of the few guys who can get away with wearing pink. It's a skill I guess.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely love this post; no doubt. I can identify with money management issues. I remember the Simpson's episode where Homer only had $1 and was reviewing lottery tikets under a lightbulb. He found a $1,000 winner, but debated to spend his dollar to purchase the winning ticket or buy a Yodel candy bar.

"Son, in sporting events it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's how much alcohol you consume."

suebroux said...

Many of the TBA Genius Collective receive dynamic and intelligent comments, some so thought provoking that they deserve a separate post. Meanwhile, the comments I receive usually revolve around various libations, fashion statements, and Homer Simpson.

Who would have ever thought if you were to google "Robert Earl Keen and Homer Simpson wearing pink shirts", you would find a horse racing blog!